sex, sleep... and reality!

So Im sitting here in the darkness typing soley with my left index finger at 3:30am. My baby on one boob suckling happily away into dream land, while i lay uncomfortably propped up by numerous pillows behind my neck, my back, (lick my p.... and my .....) hahaha oh how the tired mind wanders... i meant to say and under my arms of course! I look over to my husband sleeping peacefully (lucky bastard), oblivious to the fact that there is a huge mosquito bite on my toe which is causing me some serious anxiety! If I could just reach down and scratch the damn thing, but one wrong move and my sleeping angel turns into hell babys revenge waking even the dead with his battle cry, leaving the neighbours tormented, and mummy (thats me) almost in tears at the prospect of having to start the "feed baby and put him back to sleep" process all over again! I suppose Ill have to grin and bear it as they say!

The only thing I would like to be doing right now is drift off to the land of nod, where i can dream of friday nights past spent blissfully in a druken stupor aboard a yacht, dancing unsteadily to reggaeton, and pressing the ignore button on my cell to avoid endless irritating calls from my not so suave ex sugar daddy turned stalker!

But then again for me dream land is not so easily reached...

Sleeping with my husband is like trying to weather an earthquake of 8.9 on the ricter scale! I mean come on do we really have to go for the california king size bed??? As if having to wake up through out the night to feed our little cricket isnt hard enough, I am rudely awakened several times on a nightly basis by the earth shifting beneath me and a cold gush of air from the AC up my cotton boxers, as my husband rips the covers from my tired aching bones. And to top it all off he actually gets upset when hes woken by a game of tug of war to retrieve a mere corner of our duvet! the nerve of that man (whom i will love till death do us part)!!!

Its never like this in the movies where the angelic baby sleeps soundly in his bassinet for 12 hours, while his proud and ridiculously good looking parents falls asleep in each others arms after passionately making love with out smudging their make up or making those embarassing faces which in real life we learn to hold so dear, and then magically they wake up still in each others arms looking perfect and rested with baby gurggling beside them... as if!

I guess the parts 5 mins before the love making where dads whining about being tired and not getting enough sex and moms covered in vomit yet again while baby screams cause hes too tired to sleep and doesnt know what to do about it only make it to the cutting room floor !!!

Dont get me wrong not every nights like this but oh the envy to have a team of make up artists, wardrobe consultants, and a director ready on standby to make for a perfect night!!!